As I go through my life there is something I really have to remember, and not to just remember it, but to take it seriously.  I have value.

It seems like a silly thing to think.  Of course, I have value.  People are an amalgam of their experiences and as such should be valued, we all have something different to contribute.  We should learn from our mistakes in an effort not to repeat them again.  However, in doing so we cannot lose sight of ourselves.  For instance, I have a pair of wedges (yes, I'm talking about shoes) that are pretty comfortable.  However, both times I wore them and then had a couple of drinks, I tripped and fell.  I have learned that maybe it's not such a good idea to wear these shoes when there is a possibility that I might have a cocktail or two.  Lesson learned (although it did take two tries).

I was on an interview a couple of weeks ago and a question was posed to me:  Have you ever made a mistake and what did you do about it?  I'm not going to go into the typical interview answer.  Of course I've made mistakes in my life, in both my professional and private life.  It's what we do about these mistakes that tells us who and what we are.  If you go through life thinking you're perfect, among other things like being delusional, you are also just short changing yourself.  You aren't giving yourself the ability to grow or learn from your experiences.

In the past two years I went from working part time in a job I loved, to working full time in a job I could not stand, to going back to working part time at the job I loved.  I went from being engaged, to being married, to being single.  Let's just say that these past couple of years have been a whirlwind.  When I look back on these two years there's something that I just have to remember (again), I have value.  As far as work goes, I have pretty much decided what I am going to do about it and of course it means going back to school (where I'm sure I'll be one of the oldest people in my classes, but so what?).  As far as my personal life goes, it's more complicated.  I can't stop being me.

I am a kind person.  Quirky.  Idiosyncratic (one of my favorite words).  I'm kind of strange.  I like myself that way.  I'm not the type of person who gives up on others, if they mean something to me.  In fact, giving up on somebody leaves such a distaste in my mouth that it actually makes me a little bit nauseated.  However, there comes a point when I have to take a step back and realize that I can't forsake myself for the sake of a friend, a lover, a husband, or for anybody.  I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.  I've come to this realization before.  This isn't new, and it isn't even a very original problem.  It's a work in progress, just like life.  I can't change who I am, and I refuse to become so jaded that I don't recognize myself.  I just have to remember as I'm going through this process:  I have value.