Saturday, March 01, 2014

I have not posted anything in a while.  It's not because there isn't anything going on in my life, but because I choose to post only when I have something to get off my chest and have something to say which is blog world appropriate.  I know the ambiguity of a blog is supposed to ensure that one can say anything they damn well please, but... really, this is the modern age full of social media.  I would not post anything on here that I do not feel comfortable sharing with my friends and family, not to mention a perspective employer.  I always post my blog to my facebook, so they aren't exactly...  You get my point.

I just watched an episode of "GIRLS" in which the four main girls go on a trip to the Hamptons.  I consider this episode a study in friendship.  The characters have been drifting apart since last season and this episode pretty much brought everything to a head.  I think it's interesting because as life progresses, these things just happen.  We go through periods in which our friends are the most important things in our lives, but eventually, they always drift.  It's not usually a conscious decision, but it's life, it happens.  Sometimes, we are so wrapped up in our relationships that we take our friends for granted.  Sometimes, we are so busy that we just don't have time to get together with our old friends.  Sometimes, it's not our fault at all.

The meaning of a friend (according to google): a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

The above might be the strict definition of a friend, but we can all add our own addendum to this.  A friend is someone who holds our hair back when we are throwing up, a friend is someone who does not judge us, a friend is someone who does not stop talking to you for some arbitrary, imagined slight.  At least to me, a friendship is not made up of a bunch of rules that one has to follow to keep the other person happy.  A friendship is about mutual understanding, respect, honesty, and communication.  The basis for any relationship should be a friendship, so is it any wonder that they should have the same rules?

My biggest problem in friendships, or relationships in general, is communication.  I am not saying that I cannot express myself, I am saying that I sometimes leave communication to the other party.  If someone doesn't contact me for a while I think it's because they're busy and will contact me when they're free.  I have always been like that, and I think my friends pretty much know that.  I've been (or I think I've been) a little better about it in the past couple of years, but who knows, perception is in the eye of the beholder.

Anyway, to get back to my point of drifting...  If your friends are important to you, don't let it happen.  In the same context though, people change.  People grow apart.  Sometimes it's less painful to accept that rather than to prolong something that just isn't working anymore.  I'm reminded of an episode of "Fraiser."  The character of Woody came to Seattle and ran into Fraiser.  They spent a night catching up on old times, but realized that was all they had.  They didn't have a basis to sustain a friendship in their current lives.  It's sad when that happens, but it does happen.

Keep your friends close, keep them relevant in your lives.  Is it really so hard to get together with someone?  Make the time if the person is important to you.  Maybe try to remember why the person was important in your life to begin with.

Here endenth the rant.