Well, tomorrow is the beginning of the end. I have to go to school tomorrow for orientation, I also have to take a compass math test so that Hunter can see what level of math to place me in. I don't really mind the orentation, I might meet a few people, make a few friends. I might even be able to register for classes. I really do want to get that over with. I want to officially begin. Not that I want vacation to be over, because I don't. However, even though I'm not especially excited about school, you never know. I have a terrible sense of direction, so I hope I don't get too lost. I have a feeling I'll be able to find the offices, but not the classroooms. I don't know why. One thing that almost made mo refuse to go to Hunter was the fact that it had no campus! That really freaks me out. At least within a campus, however far away you get from your classes, you're still basically in the same place, but at Hunter, if I get lost between classes, I'll be lost in NEW YORK! Since I have been in Manhattan before that probably won't happen. I know my way around well enough, at least in that area, so that I will probably always be able to find my way home. I certainly hope so, lol. I'm way more scared about my upcoming math test than I am about getting lost tomorrow. I have sample questions for this test. I NEVER LEARNED THIS STUFF BEFORE!!!!!!! You are also not allowed to use a calculator, that's really going to mess me up. Oh well, maybe I'll know more than I think I will. Hmmmm............

Hi people! I've been noticing for a few days now thay people have really low self esteem. I mean I've known that for a while, but it seems true more so now. I don't know why. Maybe people are just being more open with me, maybe I'm just noticing it more. I wonder why people have such low self esteem. Even the children at the place where I work, and they're so young! Nobody seems to feel thay they are worth anything. It scares me. No wonder half the population is in therapy. I wonder if that may be part of the problem. People just go around spouting psycho babble at each other, not knowing what it really means, or even caring, it's just the new way of relating to others. Then there are the people who have a really screwed up personality, with sky rocketing self esteem. They are probably the ones that should be in therapy, or the ones that don't deserve to feel so wonderful about themselves. So my message of the day is, unless you're a lunatic, and you know who you are, try to feel comfortable in your own skin. Relax and enjoy life, don't analyze it to death. Remember to have fun, and most importantly, be yourself. I know some people won't except you for it, but fuck them. The people who matter will except you. Wow I sound so preachy. What the fuck! Enjoy! : )

So everybody, how's things? I have not done anything recently. It seems there really isn't anythhing to do. Am I wrong? I go to work, I go to the City, sometimes I go to the beach. What else is there to do around here? Or anywhere for that matter. Life is just so boring. I can't wait until the next phase of life begins. You know that phase where you're finished with school, you start your career, and you move out of your parents house. I can't wait for that phase. I long for it. My next phase shall not begin for another couple of years. Too bad. Maybe what I need is to go on a trip. A long trip. I went to Boston for a few days at the beginning of the summer. That was fun. It didn't last long enough. I couldn't stay longer because I had to start work. I hate when that happens, you go somewhere and then you have to come back right away, it sucks! I was just starting to get into the swing of things and then I had to come back. However, I must say that next time I go on a trip I must have a car. I wasted so much time getting from place to place that I hardly had time to do anything! Also half the fun of the trip is getting to your destination. I went to Boston by bus, and I would have liked to be able to stop and look around at things, but you can't do that if you're on a bus, obviously. Anyway, I would just have liked to have gone exploring. I would love to go on a cross country trip, either with my boyfriend or a few friends. There's a little problem, actually a few problems. One: I don't have time, two: I don't have a car, three: I don't have a boyfriend. There are probably other problems I'm not thinking of right now. I'll let you know when I think of them. So, I guess that's how things go.

OK, so today I was left alone in a lunchroom in charge of just about 50 kids. 50 kids! There are supposed to be other councilors in there with me, but about half way through lunch (15 minutes worth of time by the way), they left. They just left me there! Now, it wouldn't be so bad if all I had to do was watch them, but I have to help them do different things, i.e. open containers, clean up, and take the younger ones to the bathroom. Also, after lunch time is over I have to bring them to different classrooms, on different floors. I stay with one group of them and the other group goes elsewhere to do different things. Fine. Usually this arrangement works out fine. Just f-fine. Today, as I said 1/2 way through lunch the other councilors abandoned me. What makes it worse is that we weren't even in the same building as the kids classes today. We were next door! How am I supposed to bring two groups to two different places at the same time? Can somebody please tell me? Truly, I'm confused.

Did I mention that every room in this building where I work is connected by telephone, except the seperate building where I was? I finally got all the kids to line up in their proper groups. I could not get them to stop talking. Seriously, they wouldn't shut-up. After threatening to talk to all of their mother's and yelling myself horse over all of them, they quieted down. That's when I realized that I was alone. I had them all ready to go, and nobody was there to take them! I took out my cell phone and called my boss. She was away from her desk. About ten minutes later I finally got her on the phone and she sent somebody down to help me with the kids. I was sooooooooooo angry! How dare they do that to me! I was almost yelling at my boss from sheer annoyance. Anyway, I had a really BAD day. I realized that I can not depend on anyone at work. I mean I already knew that, but today really drove home the point. I know that you can't depend on people in general, but you should at least be able to depend on them to do their own jobs at least. So that was my day. How was yours?

Is it possible that someone could tell me why people are such dopes? Seriously, why is there always someone who thinks they know better than you? I've been at my current job for 7 years, and things never go smoothly. First of all I work with kids, so you already get the idea right? I was told today by my boss that someone's parent complained about me. This person said that I yell too much. First of all, I've never yelled at a kid. Ever. I yell over the whole bunch of them to get their attention. Maybe someone can tell me how else I'm supposed to get their attention. I can't blow whistles, or smack things on tables, or do anything with a sudden loud noise. There is a child there that jumps out of his skin everytime anyone makes sudden loud noises. To get them to line up, I've taken to going over to them one by one and telling them individually, to line up. There are about 40 kids everyday. You can imagine how long that would take right? Well it really is a waste of time. So the moral of my story is that there's nothing you can do about anything. There is always going to be someone who doesn't like what you're doing. Actually, I don't know if that's my moral, or my general statement that people are f***kers. Either way...