Some people are scared of failure to such a degree that they are afraid to ever complete anything.  Others strive to complete anything, afraid of not finishing enough.  I find it interesting how these two very different types of people are also so similar.  They are both afraid of not fulfilling some sort of promise they've made to themselves (or others) about what their allotment of accomplishment is in life.  However, one is too scared to try and the other is too scared not to try.  They are opposite sides of a coin.  Oxymoronic, I know.

Anyway, moving on.  I'm starting to look for apartments.  I would like to stay in my general area, it's nice, it's safe, and it's close to the subway.  I can't live anywhere I can't get to work from.  I also can't live anywhere my husband can't get to work from.  He likes my area.  In the next couple of weeks, we'll probably start looking in person.  As for right now, I'm looking to see what's out there on the world wide web.

Looking for apartments is scary because you don't know what you're going to find.  You don't know if the pictures you see are going to match what you expect or not.  You don't know if what you can afford and what you need are going to mesh perfectly, they probably never do.  I expect any apartment we get to be some sort of compromise between what we need and what we can afford, but that's life.  I just want to get a place and start a life together.  That's really all that matters.

Gotta be happy.

Worry is an interesting emotion.  It can come on you suddenly, almost without provocation.  It can be a dull nagging worry, a strong persistent throbbing of worry, it can even be a knot of worry bubbling in your stomach.  The version that hits me most often is the knot in the stomach worry.  The thing that is most fun about it, has got to be the nausea.

I tell people all the time that worrying never leads to anything productive.  The act of worrying, all by itself is useless. ' How did I do on my math test?'  'It's over, what's done is done, worrying about it won't change anything.'  The problem with worry, is that it can be about anything that happens in your life, absolutely anything.  You bump into a person on the street, you can worry if you hurt them.  You can worry that they might have hurt you.  You forget to buy your wife the right kind of toothpaste, you worry about it.  Maybe you forgot something on your desk at work, so you worry about it.  To borrow from Everybody Loves Raymond, Ray Romano gets sneezed on and spends the next twenty five minutes worrying if he's going to get sick.  Eventually, he does.  Yes, what you worry about can happen.  Does that mean that everything we ever worry about WILL happen?  No.

I usually find it unproductive to worry about things that I cannot change.  Does that mean I never worry?  Hell no.  I worry all the time.  I worry about people, and people's reactions to me.  Do I live my life caring what other people think of me?  No.  Do I care what other people think sometimes?  Of course.  I think most of the time I spend worrying, is time spent worrying about other people.  There are certain people in my life that cause me great worry.  I find myself being scared for them when I think of them, which is often when I'm in the process of a worry.  The fear is the worry and the worry is the fear.  I know I can't change people, I don't think I'd want to if I could.  I just wish people would be more secure with themselves and not rely on outside stimuli to prove... everything to themselves.

Worry is only a useful emotion when it leads us into doing something productive.  If we worry about things, but change nothing, we'll always be worried about the same things.  I guess that's human nature though.  We think we change as we get older, that our impulses slow down and keep us steady.  Maybe what it really is, is our long term worry catching up with us.

I know I'm not going to stop worrying about my friends and family, just like I know that cats are not suddenly going to start talking.  It's a fun wish though.  Imagine a worry free life...  Would it even be worth it?  Worrying is part of what makes me me.  Take that away, and what are you left with?  Something else to worry about.

I seem to have slipped again into not writing in my blog.  I guess I don't want to say anything unless I actually have something to say.  Well, I'm not sure how long this entry is going to be, but I would like to tell the blogging world that I am officially married!  The planning process is over, everything has been done, and now I can relax with my husband... after the thank you cards.  We have to start on that this weekend.

I really would like to thank anyone and everyone who came to the wedding, you all made it special for us in your own way.  I will post honey moon pictures soon.

I love my husband very much and I am excited to be starting a new life with him.  Mwahh!