I don't have time for a real post right now, but I just wanted you to know, dear blog, that I haven't forgotten about you.  I haven't had time to post nor anything to really say that would not constitute complaining.  My life is my life, it is as it is.

Life goes on.  I'll post something real later.

I haven't blogged since last week.  I know, I'm bad.

The florist that we saw last Saturday was great!  Her name, ironically enough, is Rose.  She is a year younger than me and is so incredibly knowledgeable about flowers it's amazing.  I think we have found our florist.

We also saw a business called the Wedding Box.  They are a one stop wedding machine.  They do everything there!  We want photography and videography from them.  The pictures are in the style that I want.  The problem is that we would be getting one photographer for the engagement shoot and a different one for the wedding.  We also don't meet the person, or people until the day of the shoot and wedding.  We see a book of their work beforehand, but that's it.  What is our personalities clash?  What if they don't understand what we want?  What if their English sucks?  I'm not thrilled about that.  It's not a deal breaker exactly, but we'll see what happens.

I met with another photographer whom I actually like better.  He also works in the photojournalistic style, which is good.  He puts a book together rather than an album, a real bound book with pictures printed on the page rather than mounted.  He tries to tell the story of the wedding with his pictures and I think that's a good way to go about it.  I have obviously already met him and he would be the primary photographer.  There might be a secondary one as well, but that's up to us.  The problem with him, is that he doesn't do albums himself, or videography.  Personally, I'm not thrilled with albums.  I think they are outdated and unnecessary.  I think that my mother and Rich's mother might want one though.  As far as videography goes... I want it so that I have a record of the ceremony... as far as the rest...  I would like to have it, but, I think the photography is more important.  How often would a couple look at their video?  On an anniversary or something?  Maybe?  If we used this photographer there's no reason that we couldn't still use Wedding Box for video... right?

We also have to figure out where everyone is going to get ready for the wedding.  My house?  Westbury Manor?  Most likely, the hair and makeup and nails will be in Forest Hills in the place I normally get my hair done.  I don't see why we couldn't put our dresses on and do last minute primping at Westbury Manor.  We just need to be able to get there somehow...  That's where the probable limo comes in...  We'll see what happens.

I have no more wedding news!  I need to collect my address next week and mail out the save the dates by the end of next week or we will have no guests!  My how times flies!

Yesterday was a long day.  I was working at the desk again, but I was also teaching gym classes.  I was exhausted before my classes even began.  My first class, of three year old's was insane.  They ran around like maniacs.  I think everyone is so cooped up because of the weather that they are stir crazy.  Normally, for gymnastics class on Thursday there is me plus an assistant.  Yesterday, there was me and 3 other people.  Keep in mind there are only about six kids in this class.  They were truly crazy yesterday.

The second class was a little bit better.  It started with three kids and doubled in size by the end.  The problem with that is that all the kids are on different levels and they are coming in at different times.  So, the class becomes a little disorganized every time someone new comes into the room, it's fun.

I bought myself kraft microwaveable mac and cheese and ate that for dinner.  It was alright.  I prefer the stove top version, but I had another microwave one today for lunch.  At least it's convenient.

Today's Montessori classes were fun.  We were teaching (I was learning) how to juggle and I was teaching plate spinning.  Who knew gym class could be fun without large balls flying at your face?  MEEEE!!!

Tomorrow Rich, his parents, and I have an appointment with a florist and a photography package place.  This place has a package that includes EVERYTHING!  We'll see what they can do.  Hopefully, we will book at least one of them.  I'll let you know how it goes.

My day was very long and tomorrow will be just as long, actually an hour longer.  I don't mind since I'm getting paid for my work.  I do mind that my back is killing me, oh well.

My father picked me up from work today and we went to Costco.  I have a love/hate relationship with that place.  It is useful.  It has its moments, but the food.  Holy shit!  You can't get a normal size of anything!  I know this isn't exactly a new revelation.  I kno this is something... knowns.  But I saw a container of cottage cheese bigger than my head!  I guess Costco is good if you have a family, a possibly growing family, then it pays to buy in bulk.  For just two people, unless your house, your pantry, and your freezer are huge, it's just not worth it.  There won't be anywhere to put your 25 rolls of toilet paper, or your side of cow.

I do like Costco though.  It's a fun place to be for a little while, not for too long, you might start wanting to kill yourself.  Today, I went with my dad.  He bought be a printer for Chanukah!  I am very appreciative and very happy!  My old printer crapped out maybe.... six months ago.  Since I'm not in school, it wasn't that huge of a deal, but I do need to print something every now and then, especially since I'm into photography.  My mother has been using a Dell printer since she broke her HP.  Unfortunately, my mac OS doesn't work with the Dell printer.  There seem to be no plug-ins available.  Grr.  Every time I want to print something I have to email it to myself and print it from my old Dell laptop.  Not the most convenient thing to do.

So, I have a new HP Photosmart Plus e-ALL-IN-ONE B120 series.  So far, except for temperamental wifi connection it's great!  I am very happy.  Thank you Dad.

I have a few plans for the future.  I plan to find another part time job, possibly doing retail, possibly real estate, along with my current job.  I need to find something.

Is anyone else realizing how bleak our generation's future is?  We graduate from college in the middle of a depression, health care is getting an overhaul, there will be no social security by the time we are eligible for it...  It's a great time to be alive, no?  Not that I'm depressed about the current job market.  Not yet.  I will be depressed about it in September after I'm married and am still living at home.  How many people get married and then resume their lives exactly as they were before?

I'm being pessimistic.  I should rally.  I will find a job.  I WILL find a job.  I WILL FIND a job.  I WILL FIND A job.  I WILL FIND A JOB!!!!  Not that I don't have a perfectly god one at the moment, just.... I need more hours.  I can't get any, so I need another job.  I am unwilling to quit my current job until I have a solid new job.  How many times have I written job in this post?  Hmm...

Taking a little break from my story.  I've written part of chapter 3, but I'm not done with it yet.

I've decided that since at the moment I'm not working on Tuesday and Wednesday's I should take advantage, or take more advantage of my free time.  Since I am a member of Lucille Roberts I am going to actually go to the gym.  Shocking, I know.  Tomorrow, I am going to take an ab class.  It's at 5:15, so I'm going to get there about an hour earlier and do some cardio, get myself stretched and warmed up.  I'm having dinner with a friend later so I hope I don't leave too smelly, hehe.

Today my day was alright, went to work.  My nursery class started with a lovely little boy spitting on the floor.  When I asked him what he was doing, his response was to rub his foot in the saliva.  I pulled him away from the class and he got to sit out for the remainder.  What bothered me more than the spitting was the insistence of my nemesis that we make this child feel bad about what he had done for the rest of the class.  She said, "Let's play ring around the rosy, he likes that game, he'll feel bad that he couldn't play."  I don't think that level of passive aggressive behavior is necessary.  I do consider it passive because she was speaking to me and not to the boy.  The rest of the kids were playing, he was sitting there watching, I don't think aiming an activity at him is necessary, like I said.

The most exciting that happened in gymnastics was an unexpected nose bleed.  A girl was standing there and then all of a sudden there was some blood on the floor.  We had to give her a nice gauze pad in which to absorb her blood and put an ice pack on her nose all while she was squeezing it.  It didn't take long to stop bleeding.  She just had to sit out for a few minutes, 8 at the most.  I had to clean the blood off the floor, that was fun.  Lysol wipes are wonderful.

Dinner got a little screwed up also.  My father and I went to get sandwiches.  I always order the same basic thing, turkey or roast beef on a bagel with lettuce.  I don't like tomatoes, not raw anyway.  I also generally hate condiments.  I just don't like unnecessary liquid mush on my food.  I really have a special hatred for mustard.  I won't eat mayo either, I think it's gross, but mustard has a certain smell to it which nauseates me.  So, I order my roast beef sandwich.  Dry.  My father orders his traditional jewish, roast beef, mustard on rye.  We get back to his house, we sit down to watch House on TV, we take out our food and, BAM!  My sandwich has mustard on it.  I was disgusted and pissed off.  I would have taken it back, but it was cold and House was starting.  I picked off the most meat that I could and ate it with way too many potato chips, trying to compensate for not having enough meat.  The left over mustardy meat goes towards my father's lunch tomorrow.  I was disappointed.  Actually, I'm hungry now because I didn't really eat enough dinner.

Ok, so that was my day... I'm going to go look for a salad or something of the sort.

Chapter 2

“Shit, what happened to you?”
“Ucch, I slipped and then the bus splashed me, I had to change.”
“You’re seriously going to walk around like that?”
“I can’t look that bad...”
“Um.. Steph, I gotta tell ya... It’s not good.”
“What do you mean? I know my clothes are a little big, but it’s just jeans and a shirt, how bad can it be?”
“It’s not the clothes. You have makeup running down your face. You look like a deranged member of KISS.”
“Thanks, appreciate it, really. You have any makeup remover?” 

It was a long agonizing day. Everyone I encountered asked me why I looked like shit. I

didn’t think I looked that horrible once I put my hair up and removed the eyeliner that dripped down my face.

I didn’t look so bad really, just like BNB, my old self. People didn’t treat me badly before, but they never paid any attention to me. When I changed my outer appearance, peoples

reaction to me changed also. 

“Wow Steph, I like that blouse! Looks great!”

“Damn girl that skirt is HAWT!” 

“Hey, where can I find me a pair of those shoes!?”

“Attention office: Stephanie approaches, watch out or she’ll burn you right up, burn baby burn!”

The reactions wore off after a week or two. People still commented on my new found style, but it was more... subdued, not overt and insane. All that attention was coming back

again, but in the opposite way. I felt like the old Steph in the new Steph’s body. Totally uncomfortable. I still had NB’s body. I was wearing my old shirt, which was too big, so I tied it

up so it sort of looked like one of those 80’s knots. My stomach was showing a little bit. At least I could still do that.

Once everybody got used to my new/old appearance work resumed as usual. Semi usual anyway. There were no customers at the club because the weather was so bad. I mean who

would want to come out in an ice storm unless they had to? I thought that we were crazy for

being open actually. The few people who did show up, were old. You know those people that go crazy if they can’t follow their routine? Those are the customers I got. I got call after call from people asking if we were open. Oddly enough, they must not have cared too much. I mean, if I got five calls in an hour about it, I got maybe.... zero of those people actually coming in.

By the afternoon the roads were fine, or so I heard. I work in a basement, couldn’t tell myself. The sidewalks were still a problem though. Wonderful. A girl, or young lady as my mother would say, came in. I guess the ice skating rink on the sidewalk couldn’t deter her any. 

“Can I get a tour of the gym?”

“Sure, would you like to see the rest of the facility?” 

“What?” 

“So the gym is this way. Follow me.” I walked her into the gym, body shop as we call it, and she looked around. The attendant in there asked her if she would like him to show her how the machines worked.

“This is it? There’s nothing else in here? Do all these machines work?” 

“Yes, all the machines work. Would you like Henry to show you how to use them?” 

“Sure.” 

She had this annoying high pitched sing songy voice. She was a little overweight and had some bad acne. I think she was a little.... Slow? She was twenty three and acted like a self righteous teenager. She stayed in the Body Shop with Henry for almost forty five minutes. Long enough so that when she came out again I was surprised to see her. I had managed to forget she was still there. 

“So how much is it to join the gym?” I took out the brochure and showed her the prices. For a single adult, she was 23, the price for the year was five hundred dollars. 

“That’s so much. Can you give me a discount?” 

“Well, there is a payment plan. You can speak to the front desk upstairs about that.” 

“Ohh.... You can’t give me a discount?” 

“I can’t do that, but they might be able to do something for you upstairs.” 

“It’s five hundred dollars just for that little gym?” 

“No. Like I was telling you before you get access to the entire Health & Fitness facility. Would you like me to show you around?”

“Oh. Ok.” 

I took her to the pool where she looked around. 

“This is it?” 

“For the pool? Yeah.” 

“Oh. I don’t know how to swim. Is there a lifeguard?” 

“There is always at least one lifeguard on duty all the time.” 

“Where is he now?” I was a little confused because the lifeguard was sitting right there, on his tall red guard chair wearing a bright red lifeguard t-shirt, so I pointed to him. 

“We do offer adult swimming classes and private lessons if you’re interested.” 

“Ohhh... that’s for free with the membership? 

“No, classes are additional, but there is a discount for members.” 

“So this pool and the little gym, is this it for five hundred dollars?” 

“No, if you come with me I’ll show you the rest.” 

“Ok.” 

I showed her the women’s locker room with the sauna in it. I showed her the showers, I told her the lockers were for daytime use only. 

“So, I can leave my stuff in the locker and use it when I come in?” 

“No, you have to take everything with you when you leave. The locks that are left on the lockers are clipped at night.” 

“Oh.” 

“Would you like to see the basketball court?” 

“Ok, do I have to bring my own basketball?” 

“No, we provide them.” After I told her about the steam room in the men’s locker room, which she could use on the hours which are set aside for only women, she turned around and asked me, “Can I work here with nursery kids?” 

“You would have to talk to the director of that department on the second floor.” 

“Oh. That’s upstairs?” 

“Um... Yeah.”

Unfortunately that was the highlight of my day. I went back to the desk and just sat there and answered the phones, “Yes, we’re open.” “Yes, classes are going on?” “No, we don’t have jujitsu classes, but we do have karate, tae kwon do, and tai chi.” A normal day.

     Ice Storm

                                  by Mira Nitzberg

Chapter 1

     When I woke up this morning there was a chill in the air and the familiar scent of pine in my bedroom.  I hadn't yet opened my eyes, I wanted to revel in the sleep that I had just woken from.  I love sleeping, it's so peaceful.  I had woken up with a feeling of lightness, maybe I had been dreaming of flying, who knows?  I ran my hands up my body and did a little stretch, like a cat I've been told.
     When I finally opened my eyes I saw that I had left my window open last night, wide open.  My landlord keeps the heat up so high in the evening that even on the coldest of winter days I have to leave my window up just to get some air.  When I know it's going to rain I only leave it open a crack, but I didn't know it was supposed to rain last night.  As I looked around my room I saw a puddle on the floor.  I walked towards the window to shut it and slipped on the puddle.  It was ice!  No wonder I was so cold.  The rain had actually turned to ice inside my room!  I wished I was still dreaming.
     I put a towel on top of the ice pond in my room and started to get ready for work.  I hoped that as the room got warmer during the day the ice would melt and the towel would absorb it.  I didn't have time to play around with ice in my room.
     I got my pajamas off and was now walking around my very cold room, naked.  I recently lost 20lbs and was obscenely obsessed with my body.  I had never been able to see my abs before, and I was taking every chance I could to show them off, even to myself.  I knew I was silly, but I was so proud that I didn't care.  After my weight loss I fixed the rest of myself up also.  I started dying my hair, I got my teeth whitened, I was getting manicures, pedicures, and waxing.... everywhere.  My boyfriend thought I was going overboard with my whole makeover thing, but what did he know?  He was naturally gorgeous.
     I walked over to the shower and made sure to keep the temperature rather low.  Warm enough so that I wasn't freezing, cold enough so that when I stepped out of the shower the cold air didn't make me even colder.  If the water temperature and the air temperature were about the same I wouldn't be too cold.  It's my theory anyway.
     After my shower I did my hair and make up.  Before my new body (BeforeNewBody) this took me about ten minutes.  I just brushed my hair and let it air dry, I put it up if I was cold.  Now I style my hair.  It's so strange to me that a little care and attention can really make a difference.  I'm not going to describe what I do to my hair, it's a secret, my own special recipe.  Maybe I'll market it one day.  After my hair was dry and ready (like the dreidel), I started in on my makeup.  Since I was going to work I still went light on the makeup.  While before "light" had been a little bit of lipgloss, lipstick if I was feeling feisty. now light meant that I was wearing foundation, blush, eyeshadow, and lipstick.  The whole shebang.  I just used natural colors.  The act of getting ready for work now took twice as long.  I had to wake up earlier for this which was a concession that BNB would never have made.  BNB loved sleeping, New Body still does, but NB finds looking good just as important.  I never thought I would be one of those people who would refer to herself in the third person.  Wow.
     By the time I was done with my makeup I had already picked the outfit I was going to wear for the day, in my head.  Self visualization is a very important part of being able to lose weight.  If you can see yourself as thin and beautiful, maybe with great clothes, it will happen.  It will!  As I walked past the towel on the floor I noticed that it was all wet.  I didn't have time to pick it up right then though.
     I stepped out of my house... and slid down the walkway.  I fell right on my ass.  My pants were just as wet as that towel in my room.  There was a sheet of ice covering everything and it was still raining.  I had to walk to the bus so slowly that I thought I was never going to get there.  I had never seen absolutely everything dripping with icicles before, it was beautiful, in a freaky winter ice storm kind of way.  If I had been a polar bear I would have been in heaven.
     As you might imagine, the buses were running late.  I stood there waiting, just waiting for a half hour as the frozen rain pounded down on my umbrella.  I thought that if I stood still long enough I might get a sheet of ice on my umbrella.  I had this idea that I would be able to remove the ice from the umbrella whole and be able to preserve the shape.  It just sounded so beautiful that I got mesmerized by the idea and was so busy standing still that I didn't see the bus slowly approaching.  I got completely soaked by the bus.  There was so much water on the ground that it didn't matter how slowly the bus was going.  I was standing too close to the edge of the sidewalk trying to create my ice umbrella.
     So much for that idea.  If I hadn't gotten soaked it probably wouldn't have worked anyway.  I would have frozen before the water on the umbrella.  By the time I got to work my makeup was ruined and I was so cold that my fingertips were turning blue.  Luckily, I had extra clothes at work so that I could at least get warm.  Unfortunately, my extra work clothes no longer fit me.  I hadn't replaced the clothes in my locker since before I started losing weight.  This wasn't promising to be a good day.

There are some people out there that think they are right about everything.  It doesn't matter what the topic, they know the answer.  They will create a question just so they can prove they can answer it.  It drives me crazy.

We are human beings and are supposed to run our own lives.  Our lives are not to be controlled by others.  There is such a thing as compromise, which is very important, it's how we learn to play well with others.  There are some who do not know the true meaning of the word though.  They say that they are giving up something, but what they really mean is that they are expecting you to give up something.  I know life isn't fair, why should it be?  But, the ability to choose what we want for ourselves is something nobody should be able to take away from us.

Parents say they want what is best for us.  In many cases that's true.  That doesn't mean that we have to follow what they want for our lives, we have to figure that out ourselves, make our own mistakes.  We might not always be right, but who is to say that someone older would be any more right?  I am not against advice given from a friend, from a parent.  I am against someone overriding your fundamental right to choose what is right for you.

I know I haven't made much sense.  Just ranting today.  Sometimes people with the best of intentions are the ones we need to be the most wary of.